07 – Catalyst

The world seemed to lose its stability. Hal was confused, and perhaps slowly going insane. The revelation of his father only muddled his thoughts instead of giving it more clarity and direction. When Hal left his father’s room, he immediately went to the place he thought would never change, the place that would forever be his own.

Hal opened the door to his room. Except when he entered it, it wasn’t his room anymore. It was merely a hollow room with white walls and ceilings. Gone was the bed in which he slept, gone was the alarm clock that woke him up every morning, gone was the phone which he used to make phone calls to his friends, and gone was the TV which was vital in every teenager’s life. Hal wanted to shut the door and leave. He wanted to say to the room that it wasn’t real, that it was merely a figment of his imagination, and that he can walk away from all of it.

But Hal couldn’t walk away. This was his room, his haven. What had happened to it? Or more importantly, who had made it like this? He had left the room only a few minutes ago, after all. And while his conversation with his dad seemed like a long time, it certainly wasn’t long enough to allow someone to move everything and give his room a paint job.

At least in this case, God certainly wasn’t responsible. God had left him to his own devices, if he existed at all. Lately, the only divine being he knew who paid much attention to him was the devil. But the devil seemed to practice subtlety and cunning more than theatrics. For one thing, he came under the guise of his classmate, Johann. For another, with the exception of his invisible pets the dragon and the serpents, everything else he did were disguised through mundane devices. Third, he usually came when Hal was asleep. Hal was certain that he was wide-awake now, especially after that conversation with his father. It seems that the closer he got to Christmas, the weirder things seemed to become.

Hal entered his room, as if all the changes meant nothing. He wanted to defy someone, to challenge whoever had wrought this unwanted change. The room remained a featureless box. But Hal wasn’t daunted. He took a step forward. And another step. And another. There was nothing, not even the sound of creaking on the floor. This wasn’t Hal’s room. It felt more like a prison. But Hal didn’t want to run away, to abandon his haven. He had run away from too much already.

When Hal entered the room, he didn’t close the door. It lay open. Hal turned around. The open door led to the corridor of his home. It was beckoning, calling out to him. His house was familiar. This room was now an enigma, an aberration. Hal wanted to step out and then re-enter the room again, as if to deny what he was seeing and experiencing right now. He blocked those memories out. Too much was already left hanging: his relationship with Amanda, the devil’s bargain, the revelations of his father. For once, Hal wanted to be in control. He would solve this mystery, and he would do it without leaving the room.

The door simply ceased to exist. Hal was engulfed in white. As far as he was concerned, it might as well have been black. He couldn’t see anything past the white anyway. He was alone, standing in the middle of nowhere. His visions of a barren and desolated land paled in comparison to what he was seeing now. At least in his nightmare, there was proof that something existed before: there were burnt ruins, abandoned homes, even earth upon which to stand on. Hal didn’t even know if he was standing right now. He had been consumed by the whiteness too much. A few days ago, Hal thought things would be simpler if everything had simply vanished. Now that it did, things weren’t any less confusing.

“Hal.”

Amanda’s voice broke the silence. It was the same voice that called out to him before, always waking him up before his dreams consumed him. To hear it now, at this very place, made Hal suspicious. He wasn’t dreaming and that was the only time he heard that voice. And even if he was, he should be waking up by now. But that wasn’t the case. And more importantly, the Amanda he knew would never call his name that affectionately.

“Who are you?” Hal shouted. There was no echo. Hal barely heard it himself. The place wasn’t conducive to sound. Yet the voice he heard was audible and clear.

“Hal.”

“You always call my name. I want to know who are you?”

“Hal.”

“Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! Stop calling me by my name! Stop calling me with her voice! Who are you? Are you another demon bearing another offer of temptation?”

“Hal. I’m not a demon. I’m your God. Or Goddess to be more exact.”

“God? Goddess? I don’t believe in any God!”

“Sure you do. You just don’t acknowledge it. You pray to me everyday, you worship me with such passion and fervor. You actually called me into being.”

“What are you talking about? You must have the wrong person. I never pray to anyone, much less worship anyone.”

“Ah. But who do you think of every single day? Who is it that you constantly wish to be by your side? Who is the one person that you hold dear in your heart?”

“Amanda. But Amanda isn’t a god.”

“No she’s not. But I am. Thanks to your will, to your desire.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m the Amanda you dream of, the Amanda you created in your mind. I’ll be the ideal that lives on even when the Amanda you know, the Amanda that spurned you, grows old and changes.”

“Impossible.”

And just as Hal said those words, Amanda appeared in front of him. It was the Amanda that Hal saw for the first time, with her short hair and school uniform, and hinting at a smile even when her face was blank. She embraced him and put her mouth to his ear.

“You believe. That is enough.”

“I disbelieve! This can’t be.” Hal wanted to push this Amanda away from him. Yet he found comfort in her embrace, in the way she called out to him. He knew it was an illusion of some sort, yet he couldn’t bring himself to turn this Amanda away.

“You’re not dreaming you know.”

“This still can’t be.”

“You say that now. Yet I’m still here.”

“Is this another ploy of the devil?”

“You believe in him as well. It was probably best when you still referred to him as ‘Johann’. But no, I am not he. I am who I say I am. I am Amanda.”

“Amanda wouldn’t be here. She’d be at her home, enjoying her Christmas break. She’d be—“

“She’d be doing the things that are important to her. And I’m the Amanda that’s doing the things that’s important to you. You were giving in to despair. I’m here to help.”

“Help in what?”

“I’m all that you need. You don’t need her. You don’t need your classmates. You don’t need the devil. And what has your father ever done for you? You said it yourself, he has lost his ability to relate with others.”

“Why now? Why appear now? I was heartbroken days ago. I needed you then.”

“Not as much as you need me now. Tell me, aren’t you happy in my embrace?”

“I’m content. Yet somehow, I feel this isn’t right.”

“What’s wrong with being with the girl you fell in love with?”

“But you’re not her.”

“Am I not? Every human being idealizes the person that they love and demonize those that they hate. It doesn’t change the other person’s character or makes it true, but you still believe it nonetheless. And I take it one step further. I’m not just the person you think you know, I am the person that you’re thinking of, the person you’re idealizing. What more could you ask?”

“But I want the real Amanda.”

“I am the real Amanda. Perhaps more ‘real’ than she ever was to you. And remember, that other Amanda that you speak of rejected you, spurned you. She doesn’t love you.”

“And you do?”

“Of course I do. I’m your goddess aren’t I? You love me and I love you back. There really is no unconditional love in this world. At least you believe that to be true. I only have one condition for you to gain my affection. It’s to simply love me back. That isn’t hard is it?”

“Love. I don’t even know the meaning of the word right now.”

“Stop believing in what your father tells you. Love is what you feel. You don’t have to think about it. You simply feel. It’s an emotion. You don’t choose to feel hunger, you don’t choose to feel pain. Love is like that. And right now, you have an abundance of love for me. And I for you. So what’s there to think about?”

“Perhaps you’re right. That sounds true.”

“Trust me. I’ll never fail you, I’ll never disappoint you. I won’t be like Amanda who rejected you for another guy. I won’t be like your father who doesn’t know how to feel. I won’t be like the devil, treating you like a business deal. I’ll be the one who loves you, the one who’ll never betray your trust and love.”

“I wonder what it would be like if life was forever like this.”

“I’ll show you.”

And Amanda lifted Hal’s chin, and pressed her lips to his. Hal stopped disbelieving. Her lips were warm and soft. Kissing her on the lips was always like what he imagined. It was sheer pleasure. He put his arms around her as if to make sure she wouldn’t disappear. She didn’t. And she clung to him as well. What more could a guy want?

Word Count: 1, 698
Total Word Count: 15,644

06 – Confrontation

When Hal was in grade one, his English teacher asked each and every one of them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

“I want to be like my dad!” Hal shouted.

“What’s your dad’s name? What does he do for a living?”

“My dad’s name is Harold Alan Romero. He’s a businessman, and I want to be just like him!”

That was ten years ago. Harold Romero was now 42, and whenever Hal was asked what his father’s occupation was, he’d answer that his dad was an entrepreneur. He never mentioned the part about wanting to be like his father.

“My son will grow up to be just like me.” Hal remembered his father telling his mom.

“Then there’ll be two stubborn mules in the family.” His mother would reply. Hal used to laugh at that joke. Until he realized his mother was being cynical.

“How much I’ve grown. And changed.” Hal thought.

Hal got out of bed and went out of his room. It was Tuesday evening and his father should be in his room. It’s been a long time since he last entered his father’s room. The maids didn’t dare enter it with his father inside. They did all the cleaning while his father was away. Hal visited even less. The only time he actually went in there was to hand his father his report card and sign it. Entering his father’s room was like a going to your appointment with the doctor: you didn’t want to go, but you had to do so.

“Life and death. I never thought the stakes would be this high.” Hal mumbled. He then knocked on the door.

“Is that you Hal?”

“Yeah, it’s me dad.”

“Do come in.”

Harold Romero was sitting on a rocking chair, with a pipe hanging on his mouth. Hal’s dad didn’t smoke, but he did love having a pipe by his mouth. It seemed impressive and gave him a look of respectability. Hal couldn’t care less.

“This is a surprise. I’m certain that your report card isn’t due until next month.”

“I wanted to have a serious talk with you.”

“But I’m always serious.”

“I didn’t come here so you could lecture me.”

“I wasn’t lecturing you.”

“But you speak as if you were doing so. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You’re my son. Nothing’s going to change that.”

“Unfortunately.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Sorry. Forget it. I didn’t come here to quarrel. I came to ask advice.”

“Sure. This is the first time in a long, long time that you’re actually seeking advice from me.”

“Be honest with me now. Did you love mom?”

“Of course I did. And I still do. Just because we’re living apart doesn’t mean that—“

“How did you know? How did you know that you were in love with her?”

“Ah. So this is what it’s all about. So who’s the lucky girl?”

“Dad, I didn’t come here to ask advice on how to court a girl. I’m here to ask about you and mom.”

“Okay. That’s fair. If I were in your situation, I would be embarrassed as well talking about my girlfriend.”

“Stop diverting the topic! The answer to my question is very important. Which is why I came to ask your advice.”

“So, you want to know how I knew that I was in love with your mom? Well, there were telltale signs. We were spending most of our time with each other. She always gave me this smile whenever we met. And we could relate to each other. But you know what, in the end, it came down to a decision.”

“A decision?”

“Love is a decision, Hal. We choose who we love. It’s not just a matter of feeling excited about someone. If it were just that, we’d be like animals. I mean animals feel affection as well. A dog is capable of making love, and it’ll probably do it anywhere, anytime whenever it feels like it. Your mom wasn’t the first girl I met, and she’s not exactly the most beautiful of the lot. But I exercised restraint on the others, exercised my capability to choose. There was as point when I said to myself that I’d marry your mother, and I did everything I could to accomplish that. There were times when striving to accomplish that was difficult, especially when all the romance is gone, or when I was feeling down, or simply when I lost the passion I used to have. But we did get married in the end. So there.”

“So you’re telling me that it comes right down to a decision?”

“Decisions are sometimes the only thing we have. We don’t choose what happens today or tomorrow, but we can choose how to react to it.”

“That didn’t really tell me when you found out you were in love with her.”

“Let’s put it this way. If you’re willing to commit to the girl, willing to give up romance with all the other girls in the world, willing to pursue her even if you know you might lose interest in her, willing to go after her when you know you might end up losing everything in the process, then that’s love.”

“You’re too cerebral for me dad. My other friends, when their parents tell their love story, they have all these stories like love at first sight or soul mates. But then again, perhaps that’s why mom split in the end. Because it wasn’t really love.”

“I can’t help you there if that’s what you believe. But I’m a person who thinks that each of us has control over our lives, even if it’s just the ability to make decisions. Emotions are great, but there will be times when they will fail you, or sometimes simply disappear. What then? What will you base your decision on?”

“By how I feel at the time. Isn’t that how most people base their decisions on?”

“If only things were that simple. Didn’t you do something once in your life that you regretted doing so later?”

“Yeah. I said something to a friend that I shouldn’t have. Things haven’t been working out ever since.”

“And what made you say those words? Wasn’t it your emotion? Perhaps if you gave more time to think of how your words might impact the future, you wouldn’t have said it.”

“Stop lecturing me dad.”

“I wasn’t lecturing you. Merely pointing out what I believed in. Your emotions should be tempered by your conscious decisions.”

“No wonder mom left you. You’re too aloof with what your emotions. You lost your ability to relate with others, to feel what others feel. Tell me, what did you feel when mom left?”

“That’s besides the point. What I felt at the time has no bearing with what we’re discussing right now.”

“Tell me! I don’t think you can even be honest with your emotions, especially now. You always sound like you know what’s going around you when in fact you’re clueless to what people are feeling. Tell me, did you feel despair at that point? Sadness? Regret?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Of course I want to know.”

“Very well then. Pity. I felt pity.”

“What? Pity? At yourself?”

“At your mother. For what she threw away, for what she was giving up.”

“Are you that arrogant to think that she was losing that much in leaving you?”

“I wasn’t pitying her for leaving me. I was pitying her for leaving you.”

Hal didn’t bother hiding his startled expression. His father merely stood up from his chair and gave Hal a hug. Hal wallowed in his father’s embrace for a good ten seconds, before pushing him and shunning him once more.

“You’re lying! What am I to mother? What am I to you?”

“You’re our son. Do we need any other reason?”

“You speak of choices. You didn’t choose me. I was just born, probably the result of an unwanted union. What am I to mother? What am I to you?”

“You’re my son. If you were unwanted, you would have been given up for adoption. And yes, I did choose to love you. I chose to care for you, I treated you as I would have wanted to have been treated when I was younger. As for your mother, you’ll have to ask her that. I won’t pretend to know what goes on in her mind. I’ve given that up a long time ago. But I do remember seeing her smile when you were born. And it was the prettiest smile I have ever seen, even when I was still courting her. To give that up, even despite all the hardships, well, I don’t claim to know to have a monopoly on knowing how other people feel, as you pointed out.”

“Dad…”

Harold Romero turned his back and stood before his chair.

“I’m sure this conversation has been taxing on both of us. If you don’t mind, I need my privacy now.”

All Hal could do was nod. He quickly left the room for he had his own inner demons to contend with, especially with what he had just heard. If Hal had been more observant, he would have noticed that the reason why his father turned his back on him was because he couldn’t hold back anymore the tears that were now streaming down his face.

Word Count: 1,575
Total Word Count: 13,966

05 – Unraveling

No dreams came. Whenever Hal slept, there was merely a void. In its own way, that was bothersome to Hal as well. He could hear his own thoughts clearly. There was nothing to distract him, no noise to filter out the inner workings of his mind. He felt alone more than ever.

Whenever Hal heard something he didn’t like, he had one of two reactions: first, he’d either tell the person to shut up, or two, he’d taunt the person speaking by calling them names or making a witty comment. Unfortunately, Hal couldn’t resort to that this time. It was his own thoughts that he didn’t want to hear.

Love. What was love? Did he really love Amanda? Perhaps if he really did, he’d wish her and Philip well. But Hal couldn’t do that. Whenever he imagines the two of them together, he feels jealousy, anger, hatred, and perhaps the most painful of all, despair. She didn’t choose him. He wanted to get chosen.

When Hal was a kid, he often clung to his mother, who was often at home, ready to address his every need. When his mom and dad decided to break up, Hal was eavesdropping from a corner, confident that his parents were too preoccupied with each other to notice him.

“That’s it. I’m leaving. I can’t stand living like this anymore.” Hal’s mom said.

“If it were just about you and me, I’d agree with you. But our lives aren’t just our own anymore.” His dad said.

“Perhaps your life isn’t your own anymore but mine is. You cling to what you perceive as your ‘responsibility’ too much. You don’t see how in the end, it restrains you and hampers your relationship with others. You feel ‘responsible’ for your employees at work. Fine. But what about us? What about me and Hal? Do you ever feel ‘responsible’ for us? Does that thought occur to you whenever you’re at work?”

“I’m working for you and Hal. If you leave now, who’ll be there to take of Hal?”

“You forget, he’s your son as well as mine.”

“Fine. I’ll take care of him. I’ll give him the love and support that he needs.”

“Well, at least that part’s resolved.”

Hal expected his mother to fight for him, to claim him as her own. He was really surprised when it was his father who took the initiative to care for him. He already knew that this day was coming, that his mother and father would not be able to live in the same house. But he never imagined himself living with his father. He wanted to cry out, to tell them that he was here listening, that he wanted a choice in the matter.

But what good would it do? His mother had certainly made up her mind. And he didn’t want to beg her to take him. Maybe he could stand his dad. His father, after all, was aloof for most of his childhood. Maybe he’ll leave Hal alone, and he can do whatever he wants. It won’t be the same having his mother there but what choice did he have? He didn’t get chosen. He was powerless to control his fate.

In high school, Hal made sure he wasn’t the person that got chosen last. He wanted to be accepted, wanted to be popular. Hal knew he wasn’t smart, so he didn’t join the nerds, the ones that comprise 90% of the brainpower in a class. He didn’t plan on being one of the popular kids at school as well. Sure, they got all the attention, but they got both the good and bad attention. They were just as likely to be despised as they were to be envied. The jokers, on the other hand, were people everyone appreciated. Everyone enjoyed a laugh, especially with the somber mood school emanated. Adults made it that way. The teachers wanted rigidity and order. The students, even until now that they were graduating, merely wanted to be free, to do what they want. Many students found his retorts to the teachers their means of striking back. Sure, Hal got a reputation and even got detention from time to time. But he didn’t mind. He was loved in the eyes of those that mattered: his classmates.

Of course after a time, that wasn’t enough. After two years of being the class prankster, his classmates soon took it for granted. Sure, they still laughed at his jokes and enjoyed his company, but Hal felt that there was less awe in them. He was mundane now. Whenever the teacher told the students to break into groups, they didn’t bother choosing who went with who. Everyone just went to their usual groups. The same goes for Hal. His “teammates” assumed that Hal would go with them. And no one bothered to disrupt that cycle. Hal didn’t dare do so.

It was during his junior year in high school that he got introduced to students from the other school. For the past sixteen years, the only friends Hal knew were his male classmates from school. Girls presented a challenge to him. They initially laughed at his wit and were genuinely impressed with his personality. Hal felt accepted once again. It was like making a fool of yourself for the first time, and in doing so, gaining the approval of everyone. Sure, they laughed at you, but they laughed because of you. You became memorable, a part of their lives. Hal cherished those moments.

And of course, Hal later discovered that not all girls were the same. Some couldn’t care less about his antics. Others were more impressed with flowers and chocolates from his other classmates than with Hal’s humor. At first, Hal felt pain and rejection. But he also came to realize that there were a lot of girls in the world, and that he would never be able to please everyone. In school, most of his jokes were directed at the teachers, whom most of the students disliked. Or the outcasts, or the students from the other classes. Hal always got the approval of the majority when he was in school by targeting a common enemy, usually the minority. That wasn’t the case when it came to women. It seemed that they didn’t have a common enemy, aside from the guys that is. Sure, they disliked their classes as well, but a number did enjoy their schooling. Hal’s jokes and criticism were less effective, simply because he wasn’t as familiar with girls as he was with boys. So it was understandable that he wouldn’t gain the affection of every girl he met. He’d just move on.

And then he met Amanda. What exactly did attract him to her? Hal didn’t know exactly. She seemed disinterested at him at first. She didn’t laugh at his initial jokes, although as time went on, there were a few jokes that she did smile at. But when Hal saw her smile, he immediately forgot his earlier failures and tried to make her smile again.

Physical attraction? Yes, there was that. But there was something else about her that drew Hal. In a way, she was like the other girls Hal met; they had other priorities, and weren’t impressed with him. But unlike the rest, Hal got through to her. She wasn’t like Sandy, who found Hal’s first jokes funny, even if they were flat and simple. Rather, there was a certain sophistication to Amanda’s tastes. Hal was curious about Amanda. He wanted to find out more.

Then came the calls. Hal became a bit familiar with Amanda, but not too familiar. Whenever they ran into each other, it was usually in the company of other people. Hal couldn’t ask his more probing questions without embarrassing himself or Amanda. And in the event that he managed to be alone with her, both parties were too shy to react coherently. With the advice from a friend, Hal learned that the secret to getting to know a girl was to talk to her on the phone. Of course obtaining the phone number was a more difficult problem. It wasn’t enough that you got the girl’s cell phone number: you had to actually get her home phone number. People don’t hold long conversations over a cell phone, and they can easily choose not to answer a cell phone call.

Getting Amanda’s number was actually easier than expected. He asked it from her and she willingly gave it to him. There were no embarrassing excuses, no lack of willingness to dispense with that information. Hal’s success increased his confidence. Which he actually needed when he got home and actually made the phone call. The person who answered it, after all, wasn’t Amanda but her dad. It was her father who got to ask the probing questions from Hal. It took all of Hal’s wit and confidence to stave off the inquisitive dad. And when Amanda finally got to the phone, he really didn’t have an answer for her when she asked why he called.

Hal soon learned that Amanda was a free-spirit, a willful girl who valued her freedom and her ability to make choices. It didn’t matter whether the choice was something as insignificant as what dress to wear today, or something as important as what career to pursue later in her life. It was the principle that mattered, the ability to carve one’s path for herself. Hal was impressed with her philosophy. He could relate with the suffering one felt when one was deprived of choices and free will. Hal, after all, loathed the people who made decisions for him instead of asking what he wanted. And in this, Hal and Amanda found common ground. For once in his life, Hal discovered that he didn’t need his defense mechanisms to gain the affection of someone. He didn’t need to make jokes or attempts at witticism to be accepted. He merely needed to be honest.

It was due to this bubble of excitement that Hal, slowly by slowly, attached himself to Amanda. Hal had two faces: one was his witty self which presented itself whenever he was in the company of others. His other face was his serious, more somber self, which was present when he was with Amanda. Not that the latter was the first time that Hal was acting like his true self; he was already acting that way around his father. Except that he wasn’t trying to impress his father and so he didn’t need to act differently. With Amanda though, it was the opposite. It was by acting normally that he was gaining her trust and affection. Hal didn’t think that kind of behavior would impress his classmates, or even some of the girls. But it was working with Amanda for some strange reason. And in a certain way, it was a big relief.

Soon, Hal was addicted to Amanda. Everyone else, whether it was his classmates or the other girls, paled in comparison. I mean why would he settle for less when the real deal was in front of him? He was himself when he was around her. Sure, he did resort to jokes from time to time, but more often than not, that was for the benefit of the people with them rather than for Amanda herself. Hal thought he knew what Amanda wanted. And it wasn’t his wit but rather his true feelings and their shared kinship for freedom.

Hal spent a lot of his time with Amanda, especially during his summer break. So when he finally entered his senior year in high school, his classmates were strangers to him. He knew their names, what their hobbies were and the like, but when it came to knowing them in person, they all seemed superficial, people who relied too much on his wit too for inspiration in their lives. He couldn’t be honest with them. He didn’t know how they’d react. And perhaps because of this, Hal slowly withdrew himself from them. He still made the usual wise-cracks, but that was done more out of sheer emotion and momentum rather than a desire to gain everyone’s approval.

That school year, there were three events that stood out as the most important. The first were the entrance exams for the various colleges. Hal didn’t care what school he’d end up or what career he’d pursue as long as it would be with Amanda. And since she was actually aiming for one of the top schools of the nation, Hal studied hard to pass the entrance exam. The second event was their graduation. For Hal, that was merely a stepping stone. It would pave the way for Hal and Amanda to actually be classmates once they went to college. Aside from that, he didn’t care. So what if both his mother and father would be present at the graduating ceremonies? He needed both of them earlier in his life. Why they’d appear at this stage in his life wasn’t his concern anymore. They made their decision long ago. And of course, the third important event that school year was the prom. It was an excuse to invite Amanda. Hal thought everything would work out from that point on.

It was probably the greatest prank anyone could perform on Hal. He imagined the devil, somewhere in his abode, laughing at the situation he was in. What pained him the most wasn’t perhaps the rejection of Amanda, but more of getting stripped of his illusions. When he was in love with Amanda, his purpose was clear. When he wasn’t chosen by her, it was a painful experience, but at least he felt he was the wronged party. He never sought to place blame on Amanda, merely someone else, such as Philip. He didn’t need to concern himself with what others felt for his own problems were enough to overwhelm him.

Ignorance is bliss. That was what the devil told him. Hal wished he was ignorant. Ignorant of his true feelings for Amanda, ignorant of how she really felt for him, ignorant of the events that have recently transpired. Hal never thought he could have sunk so low.

Could he call his feelings for Amanda love? Wasn’t it just another form of selfishness? Why else would the devil reveal himself? Why else was he tempted dearly so? Hal hated people who thought they knew what was best for others. His dad, after all, acted that way and caused the breakup of their family. Isn’t that the same scenario here? Was he a hypocrite then? Whatever happened to all his conversations with Amanda about freedom and the ability to make choices. If he made this particular deal with the devil, what choices would he be depriving Amanda of? Hal knew it was a decision he really, really wanted. It was his selfish side, wanting everything for himself. And didn’t he deserve it? Wasn’t he the injured party here? Doesn’t he deserve respite for all his troubles? It’s not like an opportunity like this comes very often. And it’s not even going to cost him his soul. Besides, he’ll take good care of her, make sure that nothing bad happens.

What if the devil made an offer to someone else? Perhaps someone like Philip? Would he decline it unflinchingly, or consider it as Hal considered it now? Would Philip be as scrupulous as Hal? He then remembered what Johann told him. He could count on his classmates, if only they knew what he truly felt. Why did he have to be the one to reveal his feelings? Why didn’t the class reveal their concern for him, Hal Romero? How much could he trust Johann’s words? And the fact that the devil chose to take on his form wasn’t comforting either. Couldn’t all of this be a complex trap set up by someone? One of his classmates maybe? It would be poetic justice, after all, to pull a prank on the prankster.

But everything seemed surreal, too imaginative and too personal for it to be contrived by some mortal hand. And people couldn’t manipulate dreams, couldn’t they? And of all the times for this to happen, it happened a few days before Christmas. If there really was a God, why would he allow this to happen?

His father. Hal felt he needed to talk to his father before he came to a decision. It was a situation he was avoiding for quite some time. Hal didn’t like talking to his father. Yet somehow, he was pivotal in all of this.

“At the very least, I’ll do something he’s never done for me. I’ll ask his opinion on the matter.”

Word Count: 2,787
Total Word Count: 12,391

04 – Infernal Contract

Laughter. Now it was Hal’s turn to laugh at what “Johann” told him.

“You? The devil? You’re nothing but just a figment of my imagination. Just as the dragon was. And even if this wasn’t a dream, why would you appear like Johann? I mean I personally don’t find him intimidating, just plain annoying.”

“Ah, but what if that’s my ploy? To catch you off-guard? I mean I could probably have appeared as the nine-headed dragon itself, but you don’t seem to fear it anymore. And make no mistake, I’m not saying you’re not dreaming. Dreams have power, after all. I just came to deliver my message in a dream.”

Hal didn’t believe all that crap that Johann was telling him. It was just his subconscious, mixing the events of the past and present into an unfathomable tapestry. But he decided to play along. This was his dream, after all.

“Okay. Let’s assume that’s so. What do you have to offer? What can you do for me?”

“I’m a salesman, Hal dear. What do you want?”

“If you were who you claimed you were, you didn’t have to ask that.”

“But there are rules to every bargain. And so you must ask it from me personally.”

“Fine. Make Amanda fall in love with me. I’ll trade my soul for that. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Your soul? Perhaps. But as for that particular wish of yours, I can’t fulfill that.”

“And what excuse does the devil have now?”

“Easy. It’s called free will. I can’t make Amanda fall in love with you. She’s a human being too you know. I’d have to strike a bargain with her for that. And much like you, there’s no guarantee that she’ll agree to whatever I have to offer.”

“So let me get this right. I can make any wish, as long as it doesn’t affect other people’s choices.”

“Smart boy, Hal dear.”

“Then there’s nothing you can give that I want.”

“Are you sure of that?”

“Yes, I’m certain.”

“I could end your life. That was also one of your desires, isn’t it?”

“Yes, you could. But in exchange for what, my soul? I’m sorry but that’s the most stupid deal I’ve heard of. Anybody could end my life. I could do it! I don’t need you to do it for me.”

“Then why don’t you?” Johann grinned as he said those words.

Hal was getting angry. But he still had his wits about him, and retorted in the only way he could.

“Is that your best offer? To kill me? What a joke you are, four-eyes.”

“That’s what I love about you, Hal dear. You have a sharp tongue. Tell you what, why don’t I give you a ride on my dragon. Don’t worry, it’s free of charge. It’s a ride you’ll never forget.”

“Ha! This is a dream. Flying is cheap. And I’ll most likely forget it by tomorrow. This is just a dream, after all.”

Johann merely shrugged, pleased with himself for some reason. The nine-headed dragon lowered one of its other heads in front of Hal, who just stood there watching. Seeing that Hal wasn’t going to be cooperative, the dragon immediately snatched him with its jaws and flapped its wings and ascended to the sky.

Hal was shocked at the dragon’s actions, although he was very much alive and uninjured. The dragon’s jaws were firm and as solid as steel, although thankfully, they weren’t very sharp.

Hal looked down and he saw the land, dark and bleak, as if everything was made of parched stone. Even from up there, he saw no living creature, with the exception of the dragon that was carrying him and Johann.

He looked up and all he saw was a red sky. Hal wondered why he didn’t notice it before. He suddenly missed blue. There were no clouds to be seen, just an endless expanse of crimson. Why was Hal having this kind of dream? At least there were no more voices, no more images of Amanda. For that, Hal was thankful.

“How are your dreams for the past few days, Hal dear?” Johann asked. Hal didn’t answer.

“I could take it away, you know. I could take away your dreams, so that you won’t have to remember her. Or perhaps I could even take away your memories of her, so that you needn’t bother yourself with those painful memories.”

Hal still didn’t answer. He considered it for a moment, and abolished the thought. He didn’t want to remember, but at the same time, he couldn’t separate himself from his memories. Hal suddenly realized that he needed his memories of Amanda. It justified his pain, justified his current existence. He was, after all, the injured party here. His suffering, as painful as it was, was his only reminder and link to Amanda now.

“Hal.”

He heard the voice again, the sweet, soothing sound of Amanda calling out to him. The dragon suddenly opened its jaw and Hal fell. Hal didn’t bother screaming. Somehow, he was free. He plummeted to the ground but at least he was far from the nine-headed dragon, and the creature that claimed to be the devil.

***

Hal woke up as he fell off his bed. He heard a bump, but he wasn’t injured too much. The first thing Hal did was to look at the time. It was 4 am of Monday morning. It was way too early to wake up.

“I probably should get medication for my sleeping problems.” Hal thought. The past few days has been very weird, especially when it came to his dreams. He wondered why he always heard Amanda call out to him and he’d wake up soon thereafter. Was it just a coincidence? Or was there some truth to his dreams?

Sleep was not something Hal found for the next few hours. All he had were the thoughts of Amanda, and sometimes, of Johann and his nine-headed dragon.

“What was my wish? That was actually a good question. What do I want to do with my life?”

When it was time for breakfast, Hal found himself surprisingly hungry, and went down to consume his meal. His dad was there, ready to leave for work. They exchanged few words, all of it superficial. Hal was too engrossed with his dream. Oh, he never forgot about Amanda. But the dream provided enough distraction for him to focus on something else. At least for the time being. And so Hal never noticed that one of the crimson serpents was trailing his father as he left for the office.

***

The phone rang and Hal immediately answered it.

“Hal? It’s me, Johann.”

“Oh. It’s you. So why’d you call?”

“I was just wondering, remember the talk we had the other night?”

“Yeah. Sorry if I sounded so pathetic that night.”

“That’s not a problem. Like I told you before, we’re your classmates. We watch out for each other. So, are you feeling any better?”

“A bit. Say Johann, you wouldn’t know anything about dragons and demons, do you?”

“Dragons and demons? Why? What’s up? You playing a video game or something? Or perhaps reading a fantasy novel?”

“It’s nothing really. I was just curious. Sorry if I bothered you.”

“It’s not a problem. Actually, I have a book about demons, or at least Christian demons if that’s what you’re looking for. As for dragons, well, various cultures actually have different interpretations of dragons. For the Chinese, for example, the dragon is a creature of water, causing storms and rain to occur. In the West though, dragons are the fire-breathing ones you see in movies. They’re fierce and powerful, and to most churches, they’re the spawn of the devil.”

“Spawn of the devil, huh? That’s interesting to hear.”

“So are you still interested in borrowing my book about demons? I can bring it over to your house if you want.”

“Thanks for the offer but I don’t want to bother you, especially since it’s almost Christmas. Do you have plans of going anywhere?”

“Me? No. I’m just staying here with my family. These are hard times. We really can’t afford the luxury of going out of the country.”

“Yeah, I understand. Thanks for calling.”

“Bye.”

Hal put down the phone. Was it a coincidence? Hal wasn’t really a religious person. He used to pray to God when he was a kid, especially when his mom and dad were fighting. But the two eventually broke up and he was left with his dad. Since then, he stopped believing in God. Oh, he still went to church and sang the hymns and said the prayers. But deep down, he stopped believing. At least in a God that was good who cared for everyone. If God really cared about him, his mom would still be with them. Or if not, he and Amanda would have gotten together, instead of this strange twist of fate. Everything was confusing and complicated. And of all the times for this to happen, just a few days away from Christmas. The day that Jesus was born. What a joke.

“It’s not whether you believe in God or not. It’s whether you believe in the devil. Or in yourself.” The voice sounded like Johann but Hal could have sworn he already put the phone down.

“I told you before. I’m the devil. I can appear anywhere, anytime.” And suddenly, Johann was sitting beside Hal, putting his right arm around Hal’s shoulder and bringing him closer.

Hal immediately shoved Johann. “Don’t touch me! Why are you here?”

“Perhaps the question you should ask yourself is why do you want me here?”

“You’re just a figment of my imagination! You aren’t real. I don’t believe in you.”

Johann made a chuckle. “Hal dear, we both know that isn’t true. If you were a hundred percent certain that I wasn’t real, you wouldn’t have asked Johann the question about demons and dragons.”

“So what? I was just curious. Now go away!”

“I told you Hal dear, I’m like a salesman. I don’t ‘go away’ just because you ask me to. I’ll always come back. And I always have something to offer.”

“I turned you down before. What makes you think I won’t turn you down again?”

“You can turn me down as many times as you like. That doesn’t mean I won’t keep on coming back. It’s not like I’m mortal. I have all the time in the world. But enough of my boasting. Why don’t you turn on the TV? I have something interesting to show you.”

Hal looked for the remote and turned on the TV. It was showing the afternoon news. “There, are you happy now?”

“Hey, I’m doing you a favor. I’m subscribing you to my personal cable channel. Why don’t you turn it to channel 77?”

“Seventy-seven huh?”

“I could have made it 666 but I find that too… childish. Besides, everyone knows people don’t watch channels that are more than two digits.”

On the TV screen was Hal’s dad. He was in his business suit, the same suit he usually wore before he left for work. His father was driving home, stuck in the afternoon traffic. Behind him was the red serpent from Hal’s dreams, except his dad was oblivious to it, even though he was constantly looking at the rear view mirror.

“So what are you exactly expecting from me, four-eyes? It’s my dad. Big deal. What are you going to do, threaten to kill him?”

“Honestly, I don’t deal in death unless I really have to. It’s a waste of resources. Better to keep humans ticking so that their interest piles up. But I digress. Let me ask you, Hal dear, why do you hate your dad so much?”

“Why should I answer? You pretend to know everything, after all. And besides, you’re the devil, aren’t you? Aren’t you supposed to know everything?”

“I’m afraid omniscience is a trait God claims for himself, Hal dear. I never boasted about it. Your parish priests certainly don’t tell you ‘the devil knows everything that you do’.”

“Okay. So why should I tell you? And would you stop calling me dear? It creeps me out.”

“I’m certain you wouldn’t mind if it was Amanda who was calling you that.”

“Shut up.”

“Since when did that word stop a salesman?”

“Fine. You want to know why I loathe him so much? It’s not just because he drove my mom away. It’s because of his pride. My dad thinks he knows everything and that what he decides is best for everyone. I mean as a kid, did I get a say as to where I want to study? Or where I wanted to spend my summer and Christmas breaks? Or even who drove me to school? Not once did he ask me what I wanted. He always assumes. And I suspect that’s what drove my mother away. Sure, he never hit her. But his words stung. He called her a lot of things, including how ungrateful she was. The only reason he took me in was to probably prove to my mom that he was responsible. I’m a glorified trophy. He thinks he loves me but in truth, he doesn’t act that way. It’s all a farce. And he can’t pierce through the illusions because he’s enamored by it.”

“My, my. What a wonderful speech. And do you think you’re the only kid who’s suffering from a father like that?”

“I don’t see your point. Why are you asking me all these things? What do you want?”

“Do you want him dead? You were certainly eager to suggest that earlier.”

“I don’t care about him. There’s only one person I care about right now. And it’s certainly not him.”

“Why don’t you switch to the next channel?”

On the screen was Amanda, lying on her bed, reading a book. She was smiling as she read the passages from her book. There was a serpent coiled around her neck, its forked tongue hissing at her. But she didn’t notice it either. She seemed happy. It wrenched Hal’s heart.

“So you say you care about her. But as you can see before you, she’s already happy. What more could you want?”

“I want her to be happy with me.”

Johann chuckled. “That’s not called caring. That’s called selfishness. Admit it. I mean if you throw your life at her right now, it’ll complicate things. She’s ignorant about you, ignorant about the serpent, and ignorant about the rest of the world right now. Ignorance is bliss. And as you can see, she’s the happiest woman in the world. Alone, perhaps. But happy nonetheless. And you want to disrupt that, don’t you? Not for her sake but for your sake. Because you’re feeling lonely. And you think she’s the cure to your despair.”

Hal couldn’t muster a reply. He wanted to tell Johann to shut up, that it wasn’t true, that it was all a lie. But the opportunity to do so was gone. He had hesitated and took the time to think about it. Johann’s words had sunk in and festered in his mind.

“So tell me now, Hal dear, who’s the one person that you care about? Because it’s certainly not her.”

“I never should have dueled words with the devil.”

“At last, you acknowledge me.”

“What do you want from me?”

“What do you want for yourself?”

“What will it cost me? My soul?”

“I’m not interested in your soul.”

“You’re lying.”

“A good salesman doesn’t need to lie, but neither does he reveal his true intentions.”

“So what will it cost me? Everything comes at a price.”

“Do you know what differentiates a successful businessman from an unsuccessful one? The former aims for his goal no matter what the cost. The latter, on the other hand, is discouraged by the price he has to pay. And make no mistake, everyone pays a price to achieve their dreams.”

“Is that your way of saying you won’t tell me what it’ll cost me?”

“It’s my way of saying that if you want something that bad, the price won’t be an issue.”

“Let me think about it.”

“Sure, that’s not a problem Hal dear. I’ll be waiting, but I won’t be waiting forever.”

“What do you mean you won’t be waiting forever? I thought you said you were immortal.”

“Immortal, yes. But a foolish salesman? No. There’s a time limit to the offer. I’m the devil, and I’m not answerable to anyone, especially not to you. And I’ll call you Hal dear whenever I want, got that? Don’t mistake my acquiescence. Even God, who has a reputation of being forgiving, has been known to show his wrath.”

“So how long do I have? How do I contact you?”

“In case you haven’t been paying attention, you don’t call me, I’ll call you. The next time I show up will be the last time you’ll see me with the same offer. Hopefully you’ll make your decision by then.”

The devil turned around and started walking away from Hal. Hal was about to follow, when he heard someone call out his name.

“Hal.”

Hal was jostled and he realized that he was still in his bed, sleeping. The TV was on, tuned to a nonexistent channel. And between him and the TV was his dad, waking Hal up.

“It’s time for dinner. The maids were afraid to disturb your sleep. But I do think it’s time for you to eat. It’s your Christmas break. You can always sleep late.”

Hal looked at the time. It was past 8 pm. Was he dreaming again? Hal looked around. Aside from the television being turned on, nothing was out of place. He then looked into his father’s eyes. There was merely concern.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine dad. I just needed to stretch my muscles. I’ll be down in a minute or two. Thanks for waking me up.”

Hal was puzzled at his last statement. His dad indeed woke him up bit it wasn’t his voice that he heard call out his name.

Word Count: 3,032
Total Word Count: 9,604

03 – Mephisto

When Hal woke up, it was already 9 am of Saturday morning. He felt energetic and revived. He got a good night’s sleep. Everything seemed perfect. But as his mind recovered from waking up, Hal slowly remembered why he wanted to go back to bed. Today was reality. And reality didn’t hold much for him. Hal looked at the clock. 9 am seemed too early. What was he going to do the rest of the day?

Hal willed himself to get up from bed to do his usual routine. No one in his household need ever know of his dilemma. It was his own problem, something that he didn’t want to share. And perhaps the best way to do this was to act normally.

He brushed his teeth with mechanical efficiency. The cold water from the shower didn’t startle Hal. And when it came to breakfast, Hal ate it with as much passion as he brushed his teeth. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but since the food was there, he might as well get it over with.

Hal’s dad wasn’t at home. He was still at work, making sure that everything was running smoothly and that nothing would go wrong over the Christmas season. Hal was sure of that fact. So it really came as a surprise to him that when he was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, that his father came in.

“Hello. Is something bothering you?” His dad asked.

“Dad?! Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Even a person like me has the right to go home once in awhile. Anyway, work was several hours ago. The maids have already prepared your lunch and they said that you haven’t touched it for the past two hours.”

Hal immediately looked at the clock and saw that it was already 2 pm. He had been doing nothing for the past four hours except stare at the ceiling. He did try to sleep but his dreams were constantly filled with images of Amanda. Hal dreaded his sleep as much as he did killing himself.

“I wasn’t hungry.” Hal replied.

“That’s strange. So, it’s finally Christmas break. Are you and your friends going out anywhere before Christmas?”

Hal merely shrugged. There was only one person he wanted to be with during Christmas, and Hal doubted it if she’d oblige. Everyone else, including his father, seemed peripheral.

“Well, suit yourself. Anyway, if you need anything or want someone to talk to, you know that you can always come to me. I’m concerned about you.” Hal’s father waited for a response from Hal before leaving the room. Seeing that Hal didn’t even twitch at his statement, he gave a sigh and left.

“Need anything? I need her! Yet you won’t be able to give me that. No one can. Someone to talk to? Why would I talk to you? You were never there when I needed you. All you have is this false sense of being a responsible father, and so you give the occasional statement showing care and concern when in fact you’re busy with something else. And even then, I would never talk to you about relationships! If you were a good husband, mom would still be here! My problem is my own and it’s none of your business.” But Hal’s reply came too late, it was said a few minutes after his father left. There was no one to hear it but himself, a statement he wanted to say to bring down his father’s pride. He thought of going to his father and saying at his face, but Hal suddenly felt tired, and lost his fury. It wouldn’t be as effective anymore. And so he gave up, resigning himself to his fate.

***

The phone rang that evening, but no one was answering it. On the fifth ring, it occurred to Hal that it might be Amanda who was calling. He suddenly wished that their phone had caller ID, so that there would be less surprises in his life. It was a faint hope for Hal, and so he scrambled for the phone and answered it.

“A-ma- hello?”

“Hello. May I please speak with Hal?”

“This is Hal speaking. May I know who this is?”

“Oh Hal, it’s me, Sandy. How are you? Merry Christmas!”

“Um, thanks. Is that all?”

“Well, the reason I called is to invite you. There’s going to be a party tomorrow evening. It’s an acquaintance party between your class and my class. It’s going to be held at my house and I’m in charge of organizing the event. Will you be able to make it?”

“I’m not sure. I have lots of things to do.”

“During Christmas break?”

“Yeah. Not everyone is as privileged as you Sandy.”

“Well, in case you change your mind, here’s my address.”

Hal didn’t even know why he bothered to actually jot down the address. He didn’t have anything planned for tomorrow, but he didn’t want to see people either. Hal wanted to be alone and gone from this world. Sandy’s call only made him remember that Sandy was Amanda’s best friend, and Amanda didn’t care about him. She cared about Philip. Philip would most likely be at the party. And with him there, Amanda.

Hal wanted to slap himself. Suddenly, he was tempted to go to the party. But at the same time, he feared it because of what he might see. Getting rejected was one thing. Seeing Amanda and Philip together was another thing. Yet as much as he dreaded seeing them as a couple, Hal didn’t think he could go on without seeing Amanda one last time. This might be his only chance to see her, and perhaps, by being there, show her that she shouldn’t have declined his offer to take her to the prom.

“I don’t know what to do.” Hal told himself. But that was a lie. In his heart, he was already resolved to go to the party. He wanted, no, he needed to see Amanda. It was perfectly reasonable that he’d get rejected again. But that didn’t matter. He was already suffering anyway. All that mattered was one person; all that mattered was Amanda.

***

The party started late in the evening, at around 9 pm. Hal was wearing long sleeves and a tie, although most of his other classmates were in less formal attire. A few girls did seem interested in him, but he merely smiled at them and found a way to cut the conversation short. Sure, some of the girls that talked to him were pretty, but Hal was obsessed with only one person.

And she wasn’t here.

Hal saw a lot of their hostess, Sandy, though. She was grating on his nerves. Perhaps Sandy knew that Amanda would never come to this party and baited Hal to attend this event knowing that. He couldn’t help but feel suspicious when it came to Sandy.

Philip made an appearance, and he was constantly surrounded by girls from the other class. He talked to them and made jokes, laughing a lot and causing the others to laugh as well. Hal couldn’t understand it. Why was Philip getting all the attention? Or more importantly, he already had the affection of several girls; why did he have to take his Amanda?

Tired at waiting for someone who may never show up, Hal took a seat and sat down.

“So what’s bothering you?” Hal heard a voice ask him. It was the voice of one of his classmates, Johann.

Hal turned to face Johann and tried to hide his discomfort. “What makes you think something’s bothering me?”

“Hal, Hal, Hal. You should know me better than that. I’m the news editor of the school paper. I sense these things. You have an interesting story to tell. Besides, you’re the guy who makes the class laugh, the practical joker, the guy with all the wisecracks. And let’s face it, you haven’t been cheery for the past week, and you haven’t insulted anyone today. I’d say that’s a record for you.”

“So you’re saying that you got me all figured out, huh? That if I’m not making wisecracks, then something must be wrong with me? At least I have a life, four-eyes. I don’t go bothering other people, telling them that I think something is wrong with them.”

Johann tried to suppress a smile. Hal couldn’t figure out why he was enjoying this. Was it something he said?

“I never turn down the attention of girls. But for the past few hours, you’ve been doing just that. Now normally, a guy would be happy at the attention he’s getting from the opposite sex. I find it strange that you’re rebuffing them, especially considering this is an acquaintance party. The point of the event is to meet girls. Unless, of course, you’re gay.” Johann smiled when he said the last few words.

“Me? Gay?” Hal laughed before he resumed his reply. “If you only knew how much I’ve been torturing myself over a particular girl.”

“So what happened?”

“Why should I tell you?”

“Do you have anything better to do? And from the looks of things, whoever it is you’re waiting for, she’s not coming. You’ve been dumped, whether you like it or not.”

“I wasn’t dumped. She was never mine to begin with. We’re just friends.” Hal’s voice faltered as he said those last words.

“Is it someone I know?”

“Do you know Amanda? Amanda Lopez from the same class we’re having an interaction with.”

“The tomboy, right? You fell in love with her?” Now it was time for Johann to laugh.

“She’s not a tomboy! She’s just… different. Anyway, I was hoping to ask her out to the prom.”

“And let me guess, Philip beat you to it?”

“Actually, no. I asked her the day before. But she declined. I don’t know why. I thought she had something important to do. But it seems that she agreed to be Philip’s date.”

“You and Philip aren’t that close, huh?”

“Not really. Why?”

“You could have told him how you felt about Amanda. I’m sure he wouldn’t have asked her out if he knew.”

“Would you have done so?”

“Jesus, we’re a class, Hal. We’ve been through hell for the past four years. Sure, I might not like each and everyone of our classmates, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. You can trust us. I don’t expect you to trust our teachers, and especially not our parents. I mean they’re the reason in the first place why we go to school. But us, your classmates, we undergo the same torment as you do. That’s why when we cheat, we cheat as a class. We watch out for each other. You don’t see me blathering to the faculty who was cheating in the exam and who wasn’t, even if I’m the news editor. If we don’t take care of each other, no one will.”

“That’s a great what-if, Johann. But even then, that’s no guarantee that Amanda would have been my date for the prom.”

“No, it’s not. But at least no one from your class would be asking her out. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“I guess so. But it’s too late now.”

“Let me ask you this. Did you do your best to win her heart?”

“Of course I did.”

“Then that shouldn’t make you regret things. You did the best that you could. If she declined your offer, it’s her loss. You did all that you could.”

“Logically, that makes sense. But it doesn’t hurt any less.”

“I think there’s liquor in the bar over there.”

“I don’t drink. My dad used to drink. And drinking won’t make my problems disappear.”

“Then drink not for your dad, not for the loss of your crush, but drink for the sake of friendship. We’re here for you. I’m not telling you to drown your sorrows in alcohol. But you can find happiness with the camaraderie of friends.”

Hal smiled. At least someone was being kind to him that day. It didn’t ease the pain. Hal didn’t think anything could. But misery loves company, and it was better suffering with other people than agonizing over it alone.

***

When Hal got home, he was exhausted. Amanda never showed up, and he never got to talk about his problems with anyone aside from Johann. Talking to four-eyes was strangely comforting, even if it resolved nothing. The evening was a total disaster, but he didn’t have anything to lose anyway.

Hal closed his eyes and allowed the darkness to consume him. He then had a vision of a cool, barren land filled with nothing but dust and skeletons. Hal looked around and saw no one. He didn’t mind. Being alone didn’t appear so horrible. After losing the one person that mattered, everything else seemed to pale in comparison.

From a distance, the nine-headed dragon loomed. Hal didn’t care. He was actually eager to meet it. If death arose from the encounter, then so be it. Hal didn’t have anything to lose. He waited patiently for the creature to arrive. When it did, someone was standing on one of the heads. It was human and took the face of Johann. Hal didn’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity of seeing a nerd with glasses standing on top of a mighty dragon, or to cower in fear.

The dragon lowered one of its necks so that Hal found himself facing Johann. He was smiling, and had the most bizarre grin on his face.

“Hal.” Johann said. The voice was booming, and lacked the affection he was used to hearing from his phantom Amanda.

“Johann?” Hal asked.

Johann laughed and shook his head.

“What do you want?”

Johann gave Hal the biggest grin he could muster. “Ah, it’s not what you can give me, but more of what I can give you.”

“What do you mean? Who are you?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m the devil.”

Word Count: 2,340
Total Word Count: 6,572

02 – Dragon Rising

“Amanda.”

Uttering those three syllables drained the life out of Hal. Yet it was something he wanted to say nonetheless, as if his very existence depended on believing in her. It was Tuesday and he was four days away from Christmas break. Hal felt miserable.

He tried calling Amanda the night before, hoping against hope that she’d give him a different answer this time. Hal was glad when Amanda answered the phone; most girls would usually keep quiet about the problem and avoid the guy at all costs. Thankfully, Amanda wasn’t that way. Not that she was brutally honest either. Her answer remained the same: she couldn’t go to the prom with Hal. And with that, she ended the call.

Hal expected monsters to plague his dreams. He was prepared to live his lonely existence in a barren land, ready to be swallowed by the nine-headed dragon, ready to be stung by the serpents. But they never came. Instead, he dreamt of a girl with short black hair and wearing a long white gown. She smiled at him and called out his name.

“Hal.”

He’d wake up, terrified at what would happen next. He dreamt of Amanda, and while seeing her was pleasant, he’d always come to the realization that it was just that: a dream. Hal merely laughed at the irony of his situation. When he was hopeful, he got the nightmares. When he was gloomy, that’s when he gets taunted by dreams of what-ifs. The serpents and the dragons paled in comparison to what he was dreaming now.

Hal couldn’t get some sleep after that so he merely stared at his clock until it reached 6:30 am. He then got out of bed and entered the bathroom.

“Might as well go to school,” Hal thought. “Things couldn’t get any worse.”

***

Mr. Segovia was puzzled at Hal’s behavior. He was awake yet didn’t seem to have the same spunk. Hal was merely looking at the blackboard, mechanically jotting down notes as if he was a well-oiled machine. Nothing bothers a teacher more than a student acting out of character.

Hal didn’t notice that Mr. Segovia was staring at him. Nor did he notice the notes being passed around by his classmates. All that he was obsessed with was getting the day over with. In a way, life seemed easier. He didn’t have to pay attention to what he was doing; his body did everything automatically. And in that way, he also didn’t get into trouble. If Hal had paid attention, he’d notice the baffled look his teachers had. But Hal simply didn’t care. Tuesday was just another day, just another moment in his life.

And then he heard the word that ignited a spark in him.

“Amanda.”

Hal turned around to see who spoke that word. It was Philip, one of the more socially active students in his class. For a moment, Hal was embarrassed. He thought that his classmates found out why he was in a slump. And then he felt disappointed when he discovered that they simply didn’t care. His classmates were talking about someone else. Philip, apparently, had plans of asking Amanda to be his date for the prom. Hal suppressed a snicker. At least he wouldn’t be the only one lonely this Christmas. Not that Philip had any shortage of girls to be his date. Still, it wasn’t every day that Philip got turned down, especially by the opposite sex.

Hal started smiling then. Amanda declining his invitation wasn’t personal. It was Amanda being Amanda. Maybe she had other important things to do. In the long run, it probably didn’t matter if she wasn’t his prom date. His goal, after all, was to be her boyfriend. The opportunity would eventually present itself.

***

Once classes ended, Hal decided to follow Philip. He wanted to see Philip’s reaction when Amanda turned him down.

Hal was generally ignored by the other students. When Philip went over to Amanda’s school, Hal made sure to stick to the corners so that could easily find cover. He knew he was being petty, but so what. Misery, after all, loves company.

When Amanda emerged from the gate, Hal’s heart started to beat faster. To Hal, Amanda was still the most beautiful girl in the world. For a moment, he actually felt miserable that Philip was going to talk to Amanda. But he grinned, expecting the heartbreak that would follow.

To Hal’s surprise, Amanda was smiling the entire time. Her smile was like a slap to his face. She seldom smiled at him, after all. She must be patronizing him, he thought. There’s no way that Amanda actually liked Philip. She’s smarter than that. And everyone knew that Philip was a playboy.

But the two continued to chat, and they seemed genuinely enjoying the conversation. Worse, when Amanda’s phone rang, she ignored it and gave Philip a hug before leaving. Amanda never gave hugs, at least not to Hal. What was going on?

Trying to regain whatever composure he had, Hal approached Philip as he was leaving.

“Hi Philip! So, did you ask her out?” Hal asked with the fakest smile he could force himself to make.

“Oh, Hal. I didn’t know you were there. Yeah, it went pretty well. In fact, I’m also going to her prom night. Isn’t that great?” Philip replied.

Hal gave his usual nod. He didn’t trust his voice. He wanted to punch Philip in the face and wipe off that smile of his. It just wasn’t fair. What did he do wrong? How could have Amanda chosen the wrong person?

“Well, I’d better be going now. See you tomorrow at school. You know, we should chat more often. We don’t get to talk as much, and we’re already graduating in March. Keep in touch!” Philip said as he left Hal.

Tears streamed out of Hal’s eyes but he quickly suppressed it before they were obvious. It shouldn’t happen here, not in a public place where everyone could see. In movies, it usually rained when events like these happened.

“Where’s the rain when you need it?”

***

It was pouring that night. Hal was alone in his room, engrossed in his own thoughts. He had skipped dinner; he didn’t feel hungry. His assignments were left undone; Hal didn’t see the point of going to school the next day. He’d just see Philip again and he’d be reminded of Amanda.

“Amanda…”

Hal recalled his experiences with Amanda for the past two years. It started with phone calls. Amanda was the first girl that he actually gathered his courage to call up and talk on the phone with for several hours. He even visited her once a week at her school, accompanying her to her car when it was time for her to leave. Amanda didn’t seem to be annoyed with Hal. He even got to meet her parents once when they came to fetch her. So what did he do wrong?

He wrestled with the idea of calling her up and talking to her about it. He wanted to demand an explanation. But then again, he remembered how individualistic Amanda could be. She valued her freedom, her independence. There was no mutual agreement between them. He wasn’t her boyfriend; they were just friends. Perhaps even less than that if what Hal suspected was true. To demand from her answers which wasn’t his business seemed too forward of him. Or too transparent. Either way, it might ruin whatever relationship he had with her.

“Sandy. I should call Sandy. She should know.”

Sandy was Amanda’s best friend, her confidante. If anyone knew what was going on, it would be Sandy. And best of all, Sandy knew how to keep a secret. That was how he got introduced to Amanda in the first place. He had it arranged with Sandy’s help. She seemed happy to oblige at the time. Perhaps too happy, Hal reflected. Maybe Sandy told Amanda his feelings for her, which is why he’s getting this kind of treatment now. Girls did the strangest things, after all, if only to baffle the men.

Suddenly, Hal was afraid to talk to Sandy. There was no guarantee that she wouldn’t tell Amanda. And Amanda was her best friend, after all, so why wouldn’t she tell her about his fears if he talked to her about it? Who was he left with?

Life suddenly seemed too complicated. Who to trust, who to believe in? Certainly not Philip, the arrogant guy who managed to win Amanda’s heart. Hal wondered what he said to her, what lies he wove to gain her affection.

“Why? Why didn’t she like me? What does he have that I don’t?”

The only time Hal found sleep that night was when he was exhausted because of his weeping. Hal didn’t need his dreams to tell him that he was alone in this world or that he was a coward. It didn’t matter anymore. His sense of purpose was once rooted in his love for Amanda. Now, that was gone. There was merely a gap. And with that gap, he imagined himself ten years in the future, alone and just as miserable as he was now. For all the pain that she’s caused him, Hal couldn’t find the courage to be angry at Amanda. She was his goddess, his savior, the one that woke him up before he succumbed to the nightmares. Yet strangely enough, those nightmares ceased that night. And the night after that. And the night after that night. Hal’s dreams weren’t filled with dragons and desolation; they were dreams of Amanda, of the time they spent together, and of events that could have been. And every time she’d utter his name, Hal would realize it was all just a dream, and he’d wake himself up, not daring to indulge in the illusion. For Hal, there was only one world that mattered, and he had already lost in reality.

During one of those nights, Hal went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. He was ready to slit his wrist, to end his life so that he would dream no more. But the moment the cold steel touched his flesh, Hal felt fear and pain. It baffled Hal. He didn’t want to live anymore, but he didn’t want to end it himself either. Hal didn’t want to be the executioner of his own life; he wished he had someone else to do it for him. Amanda crushed his heart with just a whim. He wished he could end his life just as easily. But Hal discovered that night that he didn’t have the courage to do so.

He returned the knife and crept back to his room. Just because he failed in his suicide attempt did not mean he had to alert everyone else in the house. Especially his dad. Hal didn’t want his father getting involved.

And so Hal’s Christmas vacation began, with depression to keep him company, and despair constantly at his side. Death was something he welcomed, although he knew it would never arise from his own hands.

Word Count: 1,856
Total Word Count: 4,232

01 – Gehenna

“Hal!”

One word. That one word was enough to rouse Hal Romero from his sleep. If anyone else had said it, he probably would have ignored it and went back to sleep. But the voice that he heard was calling out to him seductively. It wasn’t a voice Hal heard often but one that he yearned for. It was the voice of the woman he was courting for the past two years.

“Amanda?”

Hal looked around his bedroom, trying to find the source of the voice he heard. Amanda Lopez was the girl of his dreams, the girl he immediately fell in love with the first time he laid his eyes on her. She was studying in the all-girls school next to his, its walls hiding her beauty from him for the past sixteen years. It wasn’t until two years ago that he caught a glimpse of her, Amanda’s short hair giving her a tomboyish appearance that immediately attracted Hal to her. He imagined that she had a lot of spunk, and when they finally met, he discovered he was right. She didn’t give him a smile, nor did she look into his eyes. Instead, she was yawning and telling her best friend, Sandy, that they ought to be somewhere else.

“Hal.”

Hal heard the voice again. Even if he was fully awake now, he still couldn’t pinpoint the source. The windows were sealed shut and the door to his room was closed. The radio wasn’t on and neither was the TV. The voice calling out to him must come from somewhere, but it was from a source Hal could not perceive.

Uncertain of what was happening, Hal made sure he was wide awake and not dreaming. That was happening a lot of times these days. He got up, went to the bathroom, and turned on the faucet. He splashed water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. Hal saw his eighteen-year old self, a kid whose moustache was just barely growing, and whose eyes were still drooping from the lack of sleep. Hal splashed some more water on his pale face and got a towel to wipe the dripping water.

“What’s happening?” Hal asked himself. He was just a regular boy approaching the end of his teenage years. He’ll be graduating from high school in three months. It’ll be his Christmas break in five days. He’ll be asking Amanda out to the prom in a few hours. Yet Hal felt he was in a dream. Was it because he was excited about Amanda? He’d never ask a girl out before, let alone to the prom. Yes, that must be it. Hal felt his pulse race at the thought of confronting Amanda later that day and asking her if she would agree to be his date to the prom.

“Reserved for Hal Romero and Amanda Lopez.” He imagined the table which they will be occupying on the prom, complete with white furnishings and roses. The event was three months away, two days before their graduation, but Hal felt that it would probably be the best day of his life. Which is why he’d better ask her out now so that she can have time to have her gown made and all those other preparations that girls did. Hal didn’t care about the details of the matter. What was important was that she’d be there. With him.

Thunder crackled and that jolted Hal out of his daydreaming. He remembered that the news report mentioned the other day that a typhoon was headed their way. Normally, Hal would be grateful at the chance that school will be cut short due to a storm. But not today. Today would be Hal’s special day.

“I hope it doesn’t rain. It would be more difficult to meet up with Amanda if it rained today. I should remember to bring an umbrella.” Hal muttered.

He brushed his teeth and took a bath. It wasn’t until he was packing his bag that Hal remembered his dream. Or nightmare to be more precise. He was walking alone, with no living creature in sight. The buildings were all there: his house, the supermarket near his home, his school, Amanda’s school… everything was intact. There was just no one there: no teachers, no students, no cops patrolling the streets, no Amanda. Hal felt alone.

What made that particular dream disturbing was the fact that it wasn’t the first time that Hal had such dreams. He’d been having the same dream just before he’d wake up every Monday for the past three weeks. He was tempted to go to tell someone about it but figured his classmates would just ridicule him about it. Dreams, after all, don’t hurt people. Besides, he had other, more important things to do. Which reminded him; he had to finish packing his bag so that he could get to school.

“And once school is over, I’ll finally get to see Amanda again.”

***

There was a nine-headed dragon who breathed blue flame. It towered over most of the houses in Hal’s village and easily decimated the homes of his neighbors by trampling on them. The people who ran away were engulfed by the blue flames the dragon breathed. And since it had nine-heads, it could breathe flame in several directions at once. One of the heads didn’t even bother scorching people. It merely extended its long neck and gobbled a stray victim. With the person in its jaws, it looked directly at Hal. Hal met it eye to eye. He was scared. He wanted to run away. And he did.

The nine-headed dragon gave chase. Everybody else was screaming and it seemed as if the dragon would ignore Hal. But when Hal turned around, he saw that the dragon was right behind him, eagerly giving chase. It didn’t eat the people who stood between it and Hal; they were merely trampled, and it seemed that the dragon’s sole focus was on Hal.

If Hal was scared a moment ago, now he was terrified. He increased his pace and ignored the pleas of the people. He didn’t dare look back, didn’t dare see the carnage the nine-headed dragon had caused. There was only himself to think about. Himself and Amanda. And then he heard her voice.

“Hal.”

He woke up and found himself dozing in the car on the way to school. Hal immediately looked at the time. 7:15 am. He had left his house at 7:00 am. Hal was surprised by the fact that he was having dreams even while sleeping in the car. Only fifteen minutes had passed, after all. And the dream felt like it was occurring for a long, long time.

“You okay?” Hal’s dad asked. It was his father who was driving him to school today. Normally, it would be the driver, but today was Monday, and his father made it a point to drive his son to school on Mondays.

Hal tried to smile. “Don’t worry, it was just a bad dream. Nothing to worry about.”

This time, it was his father’s turn to attempt a smile. It looked more like a grin to Hal. “That’s nice to hear. Five more days to go and then you don’t have to go to school anymore, at least for the next few weeks. I’m sure you’re looking forward to the Christmas break.”

Hal merely nodded. He was tempted to pretend to doze off again. He didn’t like it when his dad pretended to understand him. Thankfully, they were at his school already. Hal didn’t need form a reply to his father’s statement. He thanked his dad for dropping him off and waved goodbye. Hal didn’t look back. For today, he only had one goal in his life, one person to focus his attention on. Everything else didn’t matter.

***

The nine-headed dragon was now nine individual serpents. They had crimson scales and flew around even if they had no wings. But they distinctively came from the nine-headed dragon, for their eyes were just as ferocious, and Hal could feel the malign intent they had.

The serpents were flying around the classroom, taunting Hal’s classmates and teacher. But it was only Hal who could perceive them, as the rest appeared oblivious to what was happening. One of the serpents coiled its tail around the neck of the teacher, and as it did so, it looked at Hal and opened its mouth to hiss and jab its forked tongue.

“Hal.”

Hal was jolted awake once more at the familiar voice he had heard. The serpents disappeared and most of his classmates was staring at him. And then he heard the booming voice of someone else.

“Mr. Romero!” It was Hal’s teacher, Mr. Segovia. He taught Math, a subject Hal often found either too difficult, or boring.

“As I told you before, if you find yourself sleepy, you can excuse yourself from my class and go to the washroom to wash your face. And when you come back to my class, you PAY ATTENTION!”

Hal was tempted to give a snide remark to that. But he remembered, it was his last class for the day, and he wanted to meet with Amanda after school. He didn’t want to be stuck in school talking to an angry teacher who wasn’t effective in his job.

His classmates were all looking at the face-off between teacher and student, expecting a conflict between the two. There’s nothing like a good fight to mark the start of the Christmas break, after all. But Hal had other plans.

“I’m sorry sir.” His words caught everyone off-guard, including Mr. Segovia. Hal’s classmates were disappointed, while Mr. Segovia, perhaps sensing a flicker of sincerity in Hal’s voice, eased up a bit.

“That’s alright. Class will be over in a few minutes if I’m not mistaken. Just be alert tomorrow. It still isn’t the Christmas break. You still have four more days to go after today.”

Hal felt a small irritation at Mr. Segovia’s statement, just as he was annoyed earlier at his father. But he let it pass. He wanted to avoid conflict, at least for today, after all. He gave a nod, and made his best attempt to sit up straight.

“Three more minutes and I’ll finally be free.” Hal told himself. And in exactly one hundred eighty seconds later, the bell rang.

***

There were no barren wastelands, no dragons, no serpents to distract Hal. He ran as if he had less than a minute to meet Amanda, and did so with such vigor you wouldn’t expect from a kid who carried a heavy school bag. All the while, he was smiling, which surprised some of the students and teachers whom he ran into at the school corridor.

“I’ve never seen such vigor in him. Must be because the Christmas break is approaching.” One of Hal’s teachers said.

“The strangest thing happened today during my class. I pointed out to Hal that he wasn’t paying attention and you know what? He apologized!” Mr. Segovia said.

“Hopefully this good of his will last. With teenagers, you never know.” The other teacher replied. Mr. Segovia couldn’t help but agree.

***

Amanda was standing outside her school gate, waiting for her driver to fetch her. When Hal waved at her, she didn’t seem surprised. She was calm and controlled.

“A-man-da.” Hal said, stopping to catch his breath as he uttered her name.

“Hi. What’s up?” Amanda replied. She was facing Hal, but her eyes weren’t on him.

Suddenly conscious of the other people waiting at the gate, Hal felt nervous. This was the moment he was waiting for.

“Would it be okay if we talked somewhere private?” Hal asked.

“Sure but don’t take too long. I’m actually in a hurry and my driver will come to pick me up soon.” Amanda replied.

The two went into a corner, just outside the ring of other students who were waiting for their ride home, but still under the shade of the gate. When they were alone, Hal took a deep breath and gathered his courage. It was now or never.

“Amanda, I was wondering if you could be my date for the prom.” Hal watched Amanda’s expression carefully as he said those words. He thought he spotted a tinge of doubt in her, so he quickly added to his statement. “It’s because you’re one of the closest female friends I have, and I have no one else to ask.” That didn’t come out right, but it was the best excuse Hal could come up at that moment.

Amanda flashed Hal a smile which he mistook as a good sign. “I appreciate the offer but I don’t think I can go with you.”

Hal had gone pale. That wasn’t the response that he expected. From optimism came dread. But he tried his best to recover and salvage what he could from the situation.

“Sure, I understand. Is it because your parents won’t allow you to go?” Hal replied, quickly trying to brush aside her rejection.

“Not exactly. Tell you what, maybe you could call me tonight so that I can confirm it. But to tell you the truth, I really don’t think I’ll be going with you to the prom.”

Before Hal could say more, he heard a phone ring and Amanda went for her purse. She took out a phone and pressed a button which caused the phone to stop ringing.

“I have to go now. My ride’s here. See you next time.” And with that, Amanda left Hal alone under the shade.

Hal tried to follow Amanda with his eyes and saw her enter a van. Her family’s van. And then they drove off. Hal knew he better get going. With Amanda gone, he had no reason to stay. But Hal didn’t feel like leaving. He was expecting Amanda to come back, to tell him that it was all a misunderstanding on her part. He waited for ten minutes. She didn’t come back. Soon, Hal’s phone was ringing as well. He wished that the storm had come after all. But the sky remained clear, and the sun was shining brightly. It was a very sunny day.

Word Count: 2,375
Total Word Count: 2,375